Dear Grandma,

For the past few days I have been conjuring my memories of you, trying to hold on to the feeling of you in life before my memories fade.  It’s little movements, sounds, laughs, the cadence of your voice, the ticking clock in your living room, the deliberate way with which you would point your finger, your shy smile, your firm hug, that make up my feeling of you.  These little things that made up what it felt like to be around you.

For the past few days, I have been looking through your oldest photo books and realizing the extent of your life that I can only imagine.  I see you smiling, laughing, joking, and I feel how short your 88 years were.  From my relatively short time with you, though, I can only tell you how you shaped the lives you created:

You made us feel loved. You were unabashedly proud of us, your grandchildren.
You showed us how to be strong and independent.  You always had places to go, people to see, a sense of purpose born out of relationships.
You taught us that we were smart, and that we should be proud of it.
You had a sense of curiosity and adventure that led you to travel across the country with your six daughters in a small car year after year, and to take off to explore the world after grandpa passed.  You know that many of us share that.
You were organized and driven – we liked to joke that you should have been a CEO.
If there was an event, you would be there.  Whether that meant driving to Madison, Milwaukee, Indiana or Central Illinois for yet another recital/graduation/etc., you were there.
You were unexpectedly bold.  I heard a story that you once saw an old Studebaker driving around Milwaukee, and you followed the driver in your car until he stopped, at which point you offered to buy his car for Grandpa.  Only you, Grandma.
You taught us that it was ok to have your own opinions, whether that was about politics, religion, or fashion.
You were smart.  I was always proud to be the only person I knew in college whose Grandma sent her emails.  You are still the only Grandmother I know who wrote long emails about the Packers.
You loved us and believed in us even when we did things and made decisions that weren’t quite what were expected of us.  Even though I don’t always feel like I know what lies on the path ahead of me, you have complete confidence.

 I miss you already.